"More often than not, bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable."
Parents of bright girls are often shocked to discover that their daughters can be quick to assume that they can't succeed at something new and challenging. "In my experience, smart and talented [girls and women] rarely realize that one of the toughest hurdles they'll have to overcome to be successful lies within. We judge our own abilities not only more harshly, but fundamentally differently, than men do," writes psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson, the author of Nine Things Successful People Do Differently. "At the 5th grade level, girls routinely outperform boys in every subject, including math and science... [but] bright girls [are] much quicker to doubt their ability, to lose confidence, and to become less effective learners as a result." By understanding why bright girls question their capabilities, parents can find more effective ways to support their daughters, building their resilience and confidence so they can take on the world.
Understanding this tendency toward self-doubt, Halvorson observes, "is the first step to righting a terrible wrong. And to do that, we need to take a step back in time." She is referring to a series of studies from the 1980s that, while a bit dated, she says, still hold relevance today. Psychologist Carol Dweck, author of the bestselling Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, found that "bright girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or complex, were quick to give up — and the higher the girls' IQ, the more likely they were to throw in the towel." Further research has shown that this arises from how girls and boys understand their abilities differently: "More often than not, bright girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice."
This difference in attitude is believed to develop in large part due to the kinds of feedback children receive from parents and teachers. According to Halvorson, "girls, who develop self-control earlier and are better able to follow instructions, are often praised for their 'goodness.' When we do well in school, we are told that we are 'so smart,' 'so clever,' or 'such a good student.'" But, she points out, these phrases imply "that traits like smartness, cleverness, and goodness are qualities you either have or you don't."
Meanwhile, she says, "boys are given a lot more feedback that emphasizes effort (e.g., 'If you would just pay attention you could learn this,' 'If you would just try a little harder you could get it right.')" The difference in feedback teaches both groups subtle messages about what it means when they encounter something difficult: "girls take it as sign that they aren't 'good' and 'smart', and boys take it as a sign to pay attention and try harder."
Halvorson asserts that these tendencies often carry on throughout life, "We continue to carry these beliefs, often unconsciously, around with us throughout our lives. And because bright girls are particularly likely to see their abilities as innate and unchangeable, they grow up to be women who are far too hard on themselves — women who will prematurely conclude that they don't have what it takes to succeed in a particular arena, and give up way too soon.... [T]hrough our mistaken beliefs about our abilities, we may be our own worst enemy."
Ultimately, she suggests that it's time to change this ingrained idea that such abilities are innate and unchangeable: "No matter the ability — whether it's intelligence, creativity, self-control, charm, or athleticism — studies show them to be profoundly malleable.... So if you were a Bright Girl, it's time to toss out your (mistaken) belief about how ability works, embrace the fact that you can always improve, and reclaim the confidence to tackle any challenge that you lost so long ago." And if you're trying to encourage a bright girl today, focus your praise on how hard she's working, not on how clever she is: the most powerful message you can give her is that, "[w]hen it comes to mastering any skill, your experience, effort, and persistence matter a lot."
Books To Help Girls Build Confidence And Perseverance
Sometimes You Win — Sometimes You Learn for Kids
Sometimes You Win — Sometimes You Learn for Kids
Wendy and Wade are Woggleball stars, and they love winning — so when they suffer a disappointing loss, they feel ready to quit. Fortunately, their grandpa encourages them, reminding them that "What you learn from your loss can bring victory!" Best-selling author and motivational teacher John C. Maxwell adapts the life lessons in Sometimes You Win — Sometimes You Learn for young readers in this picture book that encourages a positive attitude to failure and the persistence necessary to achieve your goals.
Charlotte the Scientist Finds A Cure
Charlotte the Scientist Finds A Cure
Creatures all over the forest are getting sick, and Charlotte the bunny scientist is determined to figure out why! The stumped doctors and scientists are dismissive of her efforts, but she holds firm to her beloved grandfather's assertion that she will "make a real difference in the world." After some patient interviews and a few samples from the outhouse, Charlotte realizes that all the sick animals have been munching on carrots contaminated by 'Funky Forest Fungi.' A quick clinical trial later, and Charlotte has saved the tummies of all her friends! This delightful sequel to Charlotte the Scientist Is Squished celebrates the ability of determined girls to change the world.
The Most Magnificent Thing
The Most Magnificent Thing
The little girl in this story has an idea in her head for the most MAGNIFICENT thing... so with the help of her puppy sidekick, she collects some bits and pieces and starts building. Except that the result isn't quite as magnificent as she wanted, so she tries again... and again... and again. Eventually, frustration overtakes her, and she not only smashes, pummels, and explodes, she also quits. It's not until she takes a walk with her dog and clears her head that she can see the potential in all her previous design and build something that she really does feel is magnificent. This fun picture book sends a great message to young readers about the importance of persistence.
The Grit Workbook for Kids
CBT Skills to Help Kids Cultivate a Growth Mindset and Build Resilience
The Grit Workbook for Kids
CBT Skills to Help Kids Cultivate a Growth Mindset and Build Resilience
When a kid has grit, they're able to see problem as temporary setbacks, and persevere so they can thrive! Not all kids start out with this empowering mindset, but with a little help, they can build self-control and develop the tenacity they need to achieve their goals. In this workbook, which uses techniques grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), kids will learn about the tools and strategies that make up grit — and discover how they can apply them in their everyday lives. With a kid-friendly tone and plenty of tips for supportive adults, this workbook from the Instant Help for Parents and Kids series is the perfect choice for anyone who wants to help kids grow grit.
What To Do When Mistakes Make You Quake
A Kid's Guide to Accepting Imperfection
What To Do When Mistakes Make You Quake
A Kid's Guide to Accepting Imperfection
Everyone makes mistakes sometimes... but for some kids, the possibility is terrifying. Perfectionism can trap kids in their worries, and even discourage them from trying something new and challenging in case they don't measure up. And with self-critical thoughts raging, it's hard to build confidence. Fortunately, with this interactive book, kids can learn to use cognitive behavioral approaches to understand their worries, quiet critical thoughts, and cope with mistakes. Encouraging and empowering, this accessible guide will help kids learn to live with imperfection and motivate them to push their limits.
The Confidence Code for Girls
Taking Risks, Messing Up, and Becoming Your Amazingly Imperfect, Totally Powerful Self
The Confidence Code for Girls
Taking Risks, Messing Up, and Becoming Your Amazingly Imperfect, Totally Powerful Self
Many girls are consumed by self-doubt on the inside, especially during the tween and teen years — but if they can crack the confidence code, they can learn how to set worries aside and focus their energy on what's really important: confidently pursuing their dreams and embracing their authentic selves! In this book, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, the authors of the best-selling The Confidence Code for adult women, draw on the latest research to help tweens understand how to short-circuit the thoughts that drain your confidence and hold you back. Illustrations throughout help draw girls into the book, while lists, quizzes, and stories from real-life girls help readers understand how to embrace risk (and failure), overcome anxieties, and be happy in their own skins. Girls will also enjoy the companion journal which will help them put these skills into practice, as well as Living The Confidence Code, which shares the stories of 30 real girls pursuing their passions.
Growth Mindset Workbook for Kids: 55 Fun Activities to Think Creatively, Solve Problems, and Love Learning
Growth Mindset Workbook for Kids: 55 Fun Activities to Think Creatively, Solve Problems, and Love Learning
When you have a growth mindset, you'll know that you can take on any challenge! In this creative workbook for kids, young readers will find engaging exercises and success stories from real-life kids that help them understand the value of a "can-do" attitude, develop problem solving skills, and appreciate the power of practice and perseverance. Kids will discover how their mind is like a muscle, which can expand when you mentally work out, and how mistakes are just steps along the path to success. With a glossary and additional resources for both kids and adults at the back, this book has everything you need to start her on a path to her new mindset.
The Growth Mindset Workbook for Teens
Say Yes to Challenges, Deal with Difficult Emotions, and Reach Your Full Potential
The Growth Mindset Workbook for Teens
Say Yes to Challenges, Deal with Difficult Emotions, and Reach Your Full Potential
Have you ever thought, "I'm never going to be able to do this — so why bother trying"? If so, then you've experienced what it's like to have a fixed mindset — the belief that a failure is an indication that you're not good at something. But experts have shown that a growth mindset — the belief that you can learn and improve — can help people cope with tough moments and difficult feelings. In this workbook from the Instant Help Solutions series, you'll learn how to transform a fixed mindset into a growth mindset so that you can stop thinking "no, I can't" and start thinking, "Yes, I can!" This book will give you powerful tools to be the best version of yourself.
The Positivity Workbook for Teens
Skills to Help You Increase Optimism, Resilience, and a Growth Mindset
The Positivity Workbook for Teens
Skills to Help You Increase Optimism, Resilience, and a Growth Mindset
Teens become more aware of the challenges and difficulties our world has to offer — and that can lead to a "negativity trap" where you feel increasing stress and even start to doubt your own capabilities. Fortunately, there are plenty of strengths for you to develop in yourself and others! In this workbook, you'll learn to identify positive characteristics that can build your self-confidence and help you keep an optimistic attitude — and learn how these traits can help you give your life meaning. With a realistically positive attitude, you'll be able to accomplish dreams you didn't know were possible... and even some you didn't know you had.
Sometimes You Win — Sometimes You Learn for Teens
Sometimes You Win — Sometimes You Learn for Teens
The greatest leaders and achievers know that no progress happens without problems, failures, and losses! John C. Maxwell, author of the bestselling adult book Sometimes You Win — Sometimes You Learn, adapts his advice for teen readers in this book that draws on the stories of people who overcame adversity to reach their goals, including entrepreneur Steve Jobs, Olympic Gold Medalists Gabby Douglas and Mikaela Shiffrin, and Nobel Peace Prize nominee Malala Yousafzai. With the right attitude to failure, you can become a true learner; this book shows you how.
The Grit Guide for Teens: A Workbook to Help You Build Perseverance, Self-Control, and a Growth Mindset
The Grit Guide for Teens: A Workbook to Help You Build Perseverance, Self-Control, and a Growth Mindset
Want to power through the challenges in your life and achieve your goals? Then you need grit! The term "grit" encompasses all the attributes you need to accomplish what you want, from tenacity to self-control to the ability to bounce back from failure. This guide introduces teens to the concepts of grit and growth mindset — focusing on improvement and hard work — and shows them how these ideas can translate into turning disappointment into opportunity, embracing challenges, managing stress, and more. And to counter the perfectionist thoughts that can derail you on your way, check out The Perfectionist Workbook for Teens.
Conquer Negative Thinking for Teens
A Workbook to Break the Nine Thought Habits That Are Holding You Back
Conquer Negative Thinking for Teens
A Workbook to Break the Nine Thought Habits That Are Holding You Back
Negative thinking habits can lead teens to develop a distorted view of themselves and others, leaving them feeling anxious, angry, and sad. Fortunately, it's possible to learn to recognize these habits — whether it's the "I can't" habit, the "zooming-in-on-the-negative" habit, the "mind-reading habit", or any of the other common negative thinking habits — and develop more helpful ways of thinking that can help teens gain perspective, resiliency, and self-confidence. Psychologist Mary Karapetian Alvord and writer Anne McGrath provide sections addressing the emotions and bodily sensations that are commonly associated with each habit. Filled with real-life examples, the guide gives teens a step-by-step action plan on how to take control of their thinking and their lives.
The Confidence Code
The Science and Art of Self-Assurance - What Women Should Know
The Confidence Code
The Science and Art of Self-Assurance - What Women Should Know
Contrary to what most people believe, confidence it not an attribute that you either have or lack: it's a state that you can learn, foster, and improve! In this groundbreaking book, journalists Katty Kay and Claire Shipman investigate both the neuroscientific research into the origins of confidence and the real-life stories of women in a wide variety of fields who have harnessed the power of confidence to their own benefit. By changing how we act, women can also change how confident we feel — and change our lives. Both insightful and inspiring, The Confidence Code will help women step forward and claim their confidence.
Enough As She Is
How to Help Girls Move Beyond Impossible Standards of Success to Live Healthy, Happy, and Fulfilling Lives
Enough As She Is
How to Help Girls Move Beyond Impossible Standards of Success to Live Healthy, Happy, and Fulfilling Lives
Although girls seem to be more "successful" than ever today, outpacing boys in GPA, college enrollment, and more, they're also reporting feeling overwhelmed by the need to be exceptional at everything. This book takes a look below the put-together surface that girls project to the world, and provides practical tips for parents to help them reduce negative thoughts, embrace risk and authenticity, and prioritize feeling confident and happy as the ultimate sign of success. Best-selling parenting author Rachel Simmons relies on in-depth case studies and careful research to create both a portrait of the challenges facing girls today and a road map to help girls create their own paths to happy, healthy lives.
What makes the difference between someone who perseveres until they succeed, and someone who gives up? The answer is mindset! Stanford University psychologist Carol S. Dweck has conducted decades of research into how mindset affects performance, and in her book she talks about how developing a growth mindset — the belief that abilities can be developed — helps set the stage for achievement. A selection of case studies highlight the differences between fixed and growth mindset, while the included tips can help parents and educators foster growth mindset in both individuals and communities, so that everyone can reach their full potential.
