Children, especially girls, begin to withhold friendship as a weapon as early as three years old.

Parents are often startled to realize that relational aggression — using the threat of removing friendship, ostracism, and other forms of social exclusion — can appear in children as young as three years old. For children that young, the experience of being pushed away by a friend can be utterly baffling, provoking anxiety at daycare or preschool. Moreover, as parents and educators observe these more subtle forms of bullying, it’s becoming clear that they require as much attention as physical aggression. As Laura Barbour, a counselor at an Oregon elementary school, observes, “Kids forget about scuffles on the playground but they don't forget about unkind words or being left out.” Continue reading → Continue reading

"We are so busy teaching girls to be likable that we forget to teach them that they have the right to be respected."

Most parents talk to their children about their emotions, but there's one emotion that people often leave out when talking to girls: anger. "I don’t remember my parents or other adults ever talking to me about anger directly," observes Soraya Chemaly, author of Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women's Anger, "Sadness, yes. Envy, anxiety, guilt, check, check, check. But not anger.... While parents talk to girls about emotions more than they do to boys, anger is excluded." In fact, from an early age, parents, caregivers, and teachers expect girls to regulate their emotions more effectively than boys, teaching them that expressing "negative" emotions like anger is socially unacceptable. In this blog post, we'll explore why it's important to let girls be angry – and how to teach girls to channel their anger productively. Continue reading → Continue reading

Sex-abuse prevention educators say teaching kids accurate terms for their private parts is an important part of protecting them from abuse.

Most kids probably know words like knee, stomach, and eye, or even more specialized terms like muscle, intestines, or brain. So why it is often surprising to hear a young child use a term such as vulva rather than a cutesy euphemism? Many experts — including sex abuse prevention educators — argue that there are plenty of good reasons to teach young children accurate terminology for their genitals rather than colloquialisms.

As Laura Palumbo, a prevention specialist with the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, points out, “teaching children anatomically correct terms, age-appropriately, promotes positive body image, self confidence, and parent-child communication; discourages perpetrators; and, in the event of abuse, helps children and adults navigate the disclosure and forensic interview process." However, people who use these terms often get pushback: everything from parents filing complaints against teachers to politicians getting banned from their state house floor. In The Atlantic, writer Catherine Buni talked to front-line educators as well as psychology researchers to hear why anatomical terminology is important for kids to learn from a young age. Continue reading → Continue reading

"The kids who are getting this process praise, strategy and taking on hard things and sticking to them, those are the kids who want the challenge."

We all want to motivate Mighty Girls to be their best, but did you know that how you praise girls can make a big difference to their resilience and self-confidence? Stanford professor Dr. Carol Dweck, one of the world's leading researchers in the field of motivation and the author of the bestselling book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, has found that there is a strong praise paradox for girls: "Praise for intelligence or ability backfires," she asserts. By understanding why telling a girl things like "you're so smart" can actually make her less confident, and by finding more effective ways to praise girls instead, parents and teachers can help foster an attitude that keeps them striving for success — even when the going gets tough. Continue reading → Continue reading

When 80% of 10-year-old girls are afraid of being fat, here are ways parents can help girls develop a positive body image.

"'I’m fat.' Those are just two little words, five letters in total, but coming from your daughter, they’re enough to make your heart totally sink. How could a girl who’s typically so kind and accepting of others be so disparaging of herself?" According to the Girl Scouts, 80% of 10-year-old girls are afraid of being fat because "they’re constantly surrounded by both subtle and direct messages that curvier or heavier girls aren’t as well liked, aren’t as likely to succeed in business, and in general, aren’t going to have as much fun or happiness in their lives." So what can parents do to counteract such widespread cultural messages? In an insightful article, Girl Scout Developmental Psychologist Andrea Bastiani Archibald offers parents several tips on how to respond when your daughter says she's fat and how to build her overall body positivity. Continue reading → Continue reading

Unhealthy perfectionism has become a growing contributor to teens' rising anxiety.

Many tweens and teens struggle with anxiety and perfectionism, and parents often bemoan that "she puts so much pressure on herself." Rachel Simmons, an expert on girls' development and the author of Enough As She Is, however, says that perception puts even more pressure on kids. "The very phrasing of the statement — 'on herself' — lays blame for distress at the feet of our teens, rather than a culture that is stoking the flames of their anxiety," she writes. "It puts the onus for change on kids — just chill, we seem to be saying, and you’ll be okay!" With a recent study finding a 33 percent spike in the number of teens who feel they have to be perfect to win approval, including from their friends and parents, it's more important than ever to acknowledge what teens are going through and help them develop strategies to deal with perfectionism. Continue reading → Continue reading

A Mighty Girl's top picks of books for parents on raising a Mighty Girl from the toddler through the teen years.

Parenting is always an adventure, but parenting a Mighty Girl can often seem particularly challenging: in a time when girls and their parents receive so many conflicting messages about what it is to be a girl, it's hard to know how to guide them to becoming confident, capable women. From the sexualization of increasingly younger girls to the new world of social media to old problems like bullying in the school yard, there are many challenges to growing up —  and parenting —  in today's world. Continue reading → Continue reading

Many girls interviewed wanted more guidance on what to do if someone harasses them with requests for explicit photos.

A recent study has shown just how common it is for teen boys to coerce or threaten girls into sending nude pictures: an analysis of 500 accounts from 12- to 18-year-old girls about negative experiences sexting found that two-thirds of them had been asked to provide explicit images — and that the requests often progressed from promises of affection to "anger displays, harassment and threats." In an article discussing the study in The New York Times, psychologist Lisa Damour writes, "Teenagers are drafted into a sexual culture that rests on a harmful premise: on the heterosexual field, boys typically play offense and girls play defense… Most schools and many parents already tell teenagers not to send sexualized selfies. But why don't we also tell adolescents to stop asking for nude photos from one another?"  Continue reading → Continue reading

From first crushes to first dates, these tips will help you prepare your Mighty Girl for a lifetime of healthy relationships.

Maybe your Mighty Girl has started talking about a classmate with a dreamy look in her eye, maybe she and her friends giggle over a pop star or movie heartthrob, or maybe she's outright told you she wants to go on a date! "Between the ages of 10 and 13, kids start having crushes and thinking about sexuality and romance, however they envision it," says Dr. Marilyn Benoit, a child and adolescent psychiatrist — and that's uncertain territory for many parents. It's natural to wonder if she's ready to enter the dating world, or to want to protect her from a broken heart. At the same time, these early dating experiences provide an opportunity for parents to help their girls lay a framework for future healthy relationships. It's no wonder that parents are often at a loss for how to support their daughters as they enter this new phase! Continue reading → Continue reading

Five books to help mothers & daughters share, learn, and grow together through the tween and teen years.

A strong mother-daughter bond can be a very powerful thing! But as girls grow older, especially as they reach their tweens and teens, that bond is often tested as girls increasingly exercise their growing independence. Investing some extra time and attention to this relationship pays big dividends for both of you — after all, you’re on this journey together! Continue reading → Continue reading